Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
