What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
