apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
