I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
