....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
