He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
