Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
