ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
