Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
