I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
