i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
