I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
