Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
