she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
