dude i'm inner monologue high
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
