I think my vagina is haunted
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize