i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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