my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
