So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
third nipple confirmed
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
