i already hear my dad disowning me
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
