I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
