i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize