life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
sarcasm needs its own font
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
