Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
