A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you guys were way drunker than both of me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
