Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize