I puked a lego.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
