i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
