Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize