listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
