So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
