Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
