About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
