Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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