I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
