Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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