WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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