just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
