What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
