I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
