At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
