sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
