There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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