There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I need moral support for this bender
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
