she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
