Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Randomize
