i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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