I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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