I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
