I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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