that's an acceptable place to lick
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
