It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
