So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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