I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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