I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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