No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
