TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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