i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
