somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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