I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
