My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
