you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
