I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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