I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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