i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
