You're so nebulous sometimes
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
