He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
im six kinds of drunk right now
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize