She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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