Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
