Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
